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Linda G. Robert

Helping You Find the Solutions To Connect to Your LIfe

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Loneliness: The good, the bad, and the ugly.

June 14, 2014

Loneliness*

* This is a rewrite of an article I wrote in 2008.  

He called me the other night to ask if I'd be available later on during the evening.

 

He wanted to talk to me about a book he was reading. I thought it was great since I had been encouraging him for months to start reading and journaling so that he would be better prepared for college. It was a bit odd, though, that he asked me first if I’d be alone. I was simply happy that he would share his reading with me. He didn't call at the agreed time, but he did call later that night. He said he wanted to talk, needed to talk, and I agreed to listen, but then he said something that caught me off guard. I didn't know how to respond to it. I was shocked and considered his request inappropriate, so I told him that I was going to hang up and I did.

 

He requested that I do something that I was totally uncomfortable with, and it would have been totally unethical for me to even consider it. After the initial shock, I started to think of what some people do when they are lonely and possibly desperate. It is so difficult to imagine getting to that point unless you’ve been close enough to imagine it.

 

Others may not always perceive what you do out of loneliness as the best of choices. I may have been quick to judge his words and his actions and how he dealt with loneliness. It certainly differs from the way I deal with it, today. Sometimes I think that everyone should know what I know and should deal with it the way I deal with it now. But then I start remembering how I dealt with it in the past. I start remembering the times when I used to go out to the bars, and have a few drinks and bring a man home. I start remembering when I would smoke or drink wine at home, get on my computer and desperately try to find someone, anyone to chat with. I didn’t realize it at the time that the alcohol, drugs and sex masked my feelings of loneliness, fears of abandonment and of rejection. It took years of self-awareness, reading self-help books, journaling, and counseling to figure out that those habits were not helping me resolve the underlying issues and beliefs that I held. I still experience loneliness now, but in a very different way.

 

Being single at the best of times can be quite challenging, especially if you also feel totally alone. How one deals with loneliness when alone is very much an individual thing. Acknowledging that you are lonely to someone and that you need to talk to someone takes a lot of courage and strength.

 

To someone who thinks "help me, I'm lonely and I just want to talk with someone”, “help me, I'm so in need of human contact or of someone who'll be there in my most vulnerable time.”, I say, take a chance and ask someone for help, get involved with a group, go to a local coffee shop and hang out there, read self-help books, journal, believe in a higher power, go to bed and pray, hang-on just for one more minute, take it one day at a time, one minute at a time if needed.


You are a worthwhile person to know and to love and someone/something out there and in you will help you to move past this moment. It will pass. You will feel better. Tomorrow will soon be here and you’ll be able to start your day with a new outlook.

 

Believe that you have a loving spirit that was born through you with the sole purpose of sharing love with others. Believe that you are never alone; that there is a presence with you all the time that cares for you and loves you unconditionally. Pay attention to the clues, to people that have been sent to you to help you manage your experiences. And, if you are alone, know that you have all that's required inside of you to connect with your inner child to nurture it, give it attention and love. Loneliness is a human feeling that is put in place to feel one’s vulnerabilities, to see just how precious every moment is, to hear what we need to hear and to learn ways of moving forward with our lives so that we can share our love with others.

 

 

 

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Well written Linda, so many suffer from loneliness in silence, and have problems reaching out. I have share this on my face book time line.

Reg,

Thanks for your comment. Yes, some say that loneliness is a silent killer. One doesn't know the depth of loneliness unless they've experienced it themselves. Other's say that it's a choice, that they choose to be lonely.



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